Remembering Mary

On July 10, sometime in the wee hours of the morning, my Aunt Mary died.

I'd like to take a moment and publicly thank God for her life.

Mary was born in 1938 with Cerebral Palsy.
Her parents were told she would never live long past childhood.
She was 70 when her body finally gave out.
Mary couldn't walk, but as a child she crawled across a farmyard to be where her siblings were. Later she used crutches and finally a wheelchair.
She never progressed past the understanding of an older child and yet she knew all about the people and happenings of her world.
Mary never, ever complained. Of the pain. Or that she couldn't do what others did. She did what she could. Beautiful embroidery. Ironing. Drying dishes.
God granted her family's most fervent desire that she never have to be hospitalized or institutionalized.
She died peacefully in her sleep. In her home, with those who loved her silently slumbering around her.
God is faithful. God is good. Blessed be the name of the Lord

In the hours after Mary’s death, I found myself thinking of one of my favorite books, A Christmas Carol.
“I see a vacant seat in the poor chimney corner and a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved.”
There is an empty blue chair in the living room. At every meal, one place less will be set. Her crutches, worn from use and delegated to a cobbywebby cubby hole will be carefully preserved.

Dickens quoted: “He took a child and set him in the midst of them.”
Mary was no longer a child when she died, and yet God had blessed her with a childlike spirit.
She found joy in simple things.
She was curious about everything.
And she loved to laugh.

Tiny Tim was
“very light to carry and his father loved him so much that it was no trouble, no trouble at all.”

Mary needed some degree of care all of her life. But for those who cared for her, I believe all will say it was no trouble, no trouble at all.
Mary wasn’t a burden to those who loved her.
Mary never complained about her pain or about not being able to what others did.
She not only was patient in affliction, I don’t think she thought of herself as afflicted.
For those who cared for her, I am sure there were times they wearied of the task. But Mary always did all she could for herself, never demanded and never complained.

Bob Cratchit said of Tiny Tim – “When we recollect how patient and mild he was we shall not quarrel easily among ourselves and forget Tiny Tim in doing it.”
A common admonishment when we were kids was – quit bickering, you’ll upset Mary!
Mom said it many times to Cindy, Wayne and I.
I’ve said it to my kids.
And I’m guessing Grandma and Grandpap said it to Lila, Harry, Mom and Bob.
For three generations, Mary’s inadvertently been a peacemaker.

Mary could get annoyed, angry or frustrated. But those moods never lasted long. She didn't sulk or hold grudges.

One thing Mary definitely was was determined. Mom tells that when she was a child, Mary wasn’t content sitting in the house. She wanted to be where the other kids were. Mary would make her way out of the house and crawl not only across the lawn, but across the road to get to the barn. And this wasn’t some nicely paved piece of asphalt, it was a country road made of rock and cinder with cars whizzing past. My Grandmother lived in mortal dread that Mary would get killed on that road, but nothing would keep Mary down.

Now Mary runs with the angels. After her death, I had a moment when all stopped. I felt I was witnessing from afar the moment when Mary was finally able to run and hug her parents.

It is hard for me to imagine who Mary is now that she has been made perfect. It is more than a healing of physical infirmities. It is also a completion of her mind. It makes me feel a bit shy to think of meeting her again. She won't be as we knew her. She will be a stranger. I know in heaven emotional distance will no longer exist, and yet, I cannot grasp the change. I expect to ponder it for many a year until I meet her again. By then, perhaps I will have gained some understanding.

Youth Mission Trips - Stirring the Pot

Well, today I did it again. Yep, brought up something to stir the pot a bit. Not something I really like doing, but can't seem to stay away from.

The subject of the day is Youth Mission Trips. A dicey practice to question. Who can find fault with kids doing good? Right?

Well...

The work accomplished is applaudable. The bonding irreplaceable. The spirit of caring invoked commendable.

Why then does some of it jar just a bit?

In part, I cannot fathom why funds are raised to send kids halfway around the country to do work for folks when other churches are sending groups right into our own neighborhoods.

I suppose it is a bit the 'vacation' aspects of the trips that grates. The need to travel to far off destinations. Did Ohioans really need to go all the way to South Carolina? Or did it have just something to do with the beach being in close proximity? Were they really experiencing a different culture that travel might justify?

Then there is the perceived need to offer a carrot to tempt the kids to participate. For our groups it's been a trip to an amusement park as part of the package. Is it really ethical to raise funds for a mission trip when part of those monies are going to pay for a day at the park?

And more importantly, aren't we selling our kids short when we assume they won't participate unless there is something in it for them? Are they really that shallow? I don't think so. Sure, if offered a day at an amusement park, most aren't going to turn it down. But, to decide they wouldn't participate unless given a reward is, I believe, selling them short. I happen to believe that they are that dedicated to helping others and that they would do it even if there were no earthly compensation. Being a Christian group, isn't that exactly what we should be teaching and modeling? Helping others even when it means there is absolutely nothing in it for them?

I am getting a little more than tired of the perpetuating of the spoiled child syndrome. We adults complain about kids being self-centered and yet, who made them that way? We did. Often we expect too little of them. Praise too much when they do what is expected. Why should they feel the need to climb to a higher level?

And yet, so many do, despite the adults and to their amazement. Again, selling our kids short. Assuming, if given the choice, they would chose the lazy path.

Why do we limit our kids that way? Is it because we assume they will act in the outside world as they do at home? A logical conclusion. But unfair. Do we act the same at home as we do in the outside world? I doubt it. Most of us have 'company manners'.

So to wrap up this lengthy diatribe, I wish we would cease to sell our kids short. Expect the best and not be surprised when they deliver.

Hey Good Lookin' What'cha Got Cookin'

For a while now, I have been consumed with thoughts of 'SUPPER'. What to make, how to fit it into the evening never all at home schedule, when to begin, when to prepare, when to cook, what to buy. It's been like trying to balance a three ringed circus on a spoon.

Then the other day I had a flash of mommy brilliance. You know those moments of 'so obvious' that come along all too infrequently. I delegated to my kids. Each would be responsible for one night a week. Placing ingredients on the shopping list, preparation, serving, clean-up. What an idiot I've been. They need responsibility, they need to learn to cook and I need released from the prison of supper seven nights a week. My ten year old likes creative cooking, the girls do OK and the oldest needs to learn. My oldest can drive and I believe some kid shopping trips loom upon the horizion.

Of course, I'm hardly free of everything. I will have to organize, teach, prod... But at least some of it gets shifted and I can break out of some of the monotony. Yeah Me!